Thoillody
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Your will to please your sir is commendable, however, I believe it is up to him to learn how to use them properly and safely first, learn everything about you second(w/negotiations), and pushing your limits should be last(w/proper warm up and ramp down). In my opinion….
There are many other variables to consider also ie.time of the month, sum of your work week, physical or mental ailments, just to name a few….but there’s alot more.
I hope that helps 🙂
Tons of differences. Some just weight, body fat composition, some due to gender.
Men tend to be less flexible. Once you tie them up, they tend to stay tied. Women smaller hands, flexy, can often slip out of ties.Crotch ropes are fun on women as are breast cupcake ties. they just don’t work on guys.
Can’t do a hair tie on most guys; I substitute a gag and pull back.
women have a floating rib. if you do any suspension or heavy pulling, you have to watch out for damaging that floating rib and make sure you get those bands high up and right under the boobs (think “mammogram”) – guys not such an issue.
The boobs provide landmarks and anchors for chest harnesses and takate kotes (aka japanese box tie). if you have dual bands and pull them together, boobs keep the bands apart. With guys, you may have to add a spacer. e.g. add a spiral twist as a column between the two chest bands to keep them apart.
Box ties depend on getting the elbows in close to and parallel to the body. A lot of guys (and some women) can’t do that. Their arms will resemble a triangle, and the tie falls apart. So don’t fight it, Keep the arms straighter, and do a handcuff type arrangement
Other ties like armbinders/strappados and futomomos depend on a certain amount of flexibility and tying it tight, using friction of the skin to help hold it in place. If you aren’t flexy, they are tougher to tie.
Hint for a futo: bend the leg as closed as possible. Then have them point their toe down. When they sink forward, their weight and toe will help jam the lower leg closer to the upper leg and keep it snug while you tie.
Hint for an armbinder. help them stretch some by wrapping your arms around and pull their shoulders back and in. Then extend their arms behind and do it again. Anchor the armbinder around the upper body, then work your way down to the wrists.Women have curvier and meatier hips. Wiry folks may have lots of pain when a hip harness goes over bony areas. Adjust as needed.
I think thats mostly it, except for suspensions. There its mostly weight, so you may need to add an extra wrap to give guys more comfort
Verianna I have to say I’m very jealous, both that you’re willing to do that and for your partner. How long did they leave you bound up?
Honey, I hate to put a damper on things, but if you guys are just considering poly as an option, and you are already feeling this way… and he is already (seemingly) keeping stuff from you… and your best coping mechanism is to cut off communication?
You know where I’m going with this. Be aware of how challenging just casual swinging can be, and then multiply that for polyamory. The cure for communication problems is more communication, not less.
Just tell him you have noticed the increase in texting, whatever, and you are waiting for him to tell you what is going on. No demands, just take the cover of intrigue away from him, and let him know he ain’t quite as slick as he thinks, so he has to come out with it, and sooner is better than later.
I’m very fond of ropes, so i’ve always preferred being tied up when being flogged, whipped or slapped. But soon after we met, my current lover introduced me to what I call “mutual flogging”. It started one day when I was taking a shower, and she pulled the shower curtain aside and to my surprise, snapped my ass with a wet towel. She then threw the towel at me, and said “Your turn!”. She quickly grabbed another towel, and began snapping it at my butt, and it turned into a towel fight. We both enjoyed it. Now, we have evolved into each of us having a flogger, and having flogger fights. I would never have had all this fun had she not got me started on it. So yes, you can have lots of fun without being tied up.
As a sub, and, actually only recently having discovered floggers, I have to say they’re also my favorite form of impact/pain play, with Sir. Sir enjoys having control over me, being able to dominate, and have me submit, and release control to him; I’m more able to withstand ‘more’ from a flogger, so it lets me surrender more control, and submit more to him; Which tics boxes for both of us. Floggers are an entire sensual experience too; I love the smell (leather), the feel of it being gently trailed over my breasts, and skin, the little stingy short sharp ‘hits’, on my body, I adore multiple thuddy hits, on buttons, thighs,breasts, etc, and can I think probably be flogged, with the thuddy type, of hit, for longer than Sir would want to doso; but he’s in control of it, and as its so multiple in the affects a flogger cna induce, he can edge me towards subspace, with the thuddy ones, then ‘draw back’, with a few stingy hits, before returning to thuddy; or, of course, switching to a paddle, cane, etc. I adore the flogger too, used in warm up; being caressed with it, gradually building up severity of strikes, etc…
I find flogging on the breasts so good; Although, at the moment, Sir’s a bit worried about the accidental missing, and landing on my face etc; Though he’s usually very damn accurate, Actually I find my breasts can take about as much with the flogger, if not more, than most other parts of the body, I.E., back and buttocks thighs etc, the main sort of areas I guess…
I personally find myself in the same situation as garden peach in that I am not married to my primary , and we used to be monogamous and are razing a child together. I prefer no labels …..but she is comforted by knowing she is my primary or main relationship… I don’t really like secondary though sometimes have used it as a descriptor. My other relationship was with a married woman who I referred to as my friend for years with off again on again great sex. once she tried labeling it as something more and my friend got jealous and possessive ruining the whole thing including the friendship which makes me really sad. But I think my friends bad relationship with her husband may have had a lot to do with it though.
definitely wish there were better words than primary and secondary though one obviously stayed when there became conflict between the two
